Singles Counseling Sandpoint ID

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Sandpoint Psychotherapy Associates
(208) 263-5393
102 S 4th Avenue
Sandpoint, ID
 
Sleepro Sleep Clinic
(208) 265-0432
1211 Michigan
Sandpoint, ID
 
Human Connection the
(208) 265-5412
2023 Sandpoint
Sandpoint, ID
 
Haugen Carl D Phd
(208) 255-7339
513 N 4th Ave
Sandpoint, ID
 
Holly Hoopes
(208) 255-2939
301 N 1st Avenue
Sandpoint, ID
 
Gloria J Waterhouse PhD
(208) 263-2040
100 N 1st Avenue
Sandpoint, ID
 
Syringa Psychotherapy
(208) 946-5242
212 N 1st Ave
Sandpoint, ID
 
Carl Renfro Phd Psychology
(208) 263-1736
221 S 2nd
Sandpoint, ID
 
Waterhouse Gloria J Phd
(208) 263-2040
100 N 1st
Sandpoint, ID
 
Michael S Lee
(208) 365-5445
2007 E. Quail Run Suite 1
Emmett, ID
Specialty
Adjustment Disorders,Adults,Anxiety,Attention Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorders / ADD,Bipolar Disorder,Children,Chronic Mental Illness,Couples,Developmental Trauma Disorder,EMDR,Existential Therapy,Geriatric / Elderly,Grief,Life Transitions,Lifestyle Change,Mood Disorders / Affective Disorders,Post Traumatic Stress Disorder / PTSD,Psychodynamic Psychotherapy,Psychotherapy,Psychotherapy - Trauma Issues,Psychotherapy with Children,Adolescents & Adults,Psychotherapy with Individuals,Couples,Familie

Only the Lonely

The pain of social isolation can be harmful to your overall well-being.

by Claire Sykes

May 2010

It’s Saturday night and, once again, you’re home alone; your mind drifts to that party where everyone seemed to be having more fun than you. And then there’s all those overtime hours and solo drive-through dinners. It’s enough to make anyone feel downright lonely.

If you often feel lonely, you’re not alone. Roughly 60 million Americans are lonely right now, says John Cacioppo, PhD, a professor at the University of Chicago and author (with William Patrick) of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection (Norton, www.scienceofloneliness.com ). Everyone can feel a little isolated sometimes. But when loneliness becomes chronic, interfering with daily life and hindering happiness, Cacioppo says it can “become a risk factor for illness and early death.”

Broken Connections

Being alone doesn’t always mean being lonely. “Loneliness is the emotional pain you feel when your need for connection isn’t being met,” Cacioppo says. “What matters is your subjective response to the situation.” It’s normal to feel lonely when your daughter takes off for college, your husband divorces you or your doctor tells you you’ve got cancer. If you live alone and have neither an intimate partner nor a satisfying social network, or if you struggle with money or health problems, you are also more likely to feel lonely. But if you enjoy being by yourself for hours or even weeks on end, that’s not loneliness—that’s solitude.

Humans are built to feel loneliness because we are basically social animals who need to bond and cooperate with others—as couples, families, communities and cultures—in order to thrive. It comes from our prehistoric days, when being alone meant getting eaten by that saber-toothed tiger.

“Our research today with brain scans and physiological markers suggests that loneliness is a biological construct, much like hunger, thirst or physical pain,” says Cacioppo. “It has evolved as a signal to change behavior, to prompt one to build or renew connections, and to promote social trust, cohesiveness and collective action, in order to ensure survival.”

In loneliness, perception is everything. “Some people are more sensitive to the pain of perceived isolation,” says Louise Hawkley, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Chicago. People can feel lonely even when they’ve got friends and family around. “There is some indication of a heritable component to loneliness,” notes Hawkley. “An insecure maternal-attachment bond as an infant or a negative event in childhood can trigger loneliness in genetically susceptible individuals.”

Because we’re wired to experience loss of social connection as a threat to our well-being, feeling lonely can also leave us feeling scared. “This may translate as a hypervigilance about others and their perceptions of you,” says Hawkley. “Without necessarily being aware of it, you m...

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