Singles Counseling Chanhassen MN

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Judith F. Kashtan, M.D.
(612) 339-8419
1246 Medical Arts Building 825 Nicollet Mall
Minneapolis, MN
Adjustment Disorders,Anxiety,Depression,Intimacy issues,and Singles Dating Issues,Bipolar Disorder,Breast Cancer Survivor,Combination Psychotherapy and Medication Management,Forensic: Civil,Gay & Lesbian Issues,Grief,Intimacy Issues,Life Transitions,Mood Disorders / Affective Disorders,Obsessive Compulsive Disorder / OCD,Panic Disorder,Post Traumatic Stress Disorder / PTSD,Psychotherapy,Relationship Issues & Conflicts,Self-esteem Issues,Stress,Womens Issues / Therapy

Frey Douglas Phd
(952) 920-2789
480 W 78th St
Chanhassen, MN
Kuhlman Thomas Phd
(952) 949-3415
16211 N Hillcrest CT
Eden Prairie, MN
Purposeful Families
(952) 955-6548
6867 Kingston Drive
Eden Prairie, MN
Resilience Counseling LLC
(952) 479-7199
562 Bavaria Lane
Chaska, MN
Kenneth Reed Phd
(952) 906-2993
80 W 78th St
Chanhassen, MN
Westman Nancy Psychologist
(952) 401-7664
500 Lake St
Excelsior, MN
Nodland Lynn Dr
(763) 536-1717
684 Excelsior Blvd Ste 120
Excelsior, MN
Campbell L M Dr
(952) 445-1397
287 S Marschall Rd
Shakopee, MN
Thomas A. McLarnan LICSW
(612) 670-0213
1107 Hazeltine Blvd.
Chaska, MN

Only the Lonely

The pain of social isolation can be harmful to your overall well-being.

by Claire Sykes

May 2010

It’s Saturday night and, once again, you’re home alone; your mind drifts to that party where everyone seemed to be having more fun than you. And then there’s all those overtime hours and solo drive-through dinners. It’s enough to make anyone feel downright lonely.

If you often feel lonely, you’re not alone. Roughly 60 million Americans are lonely right now, says John Cacioppo, PhD, a professor at the University of Chicago and author (with William Patrick) of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection (Norton, ). Everyone can feel a little isolated sometimes. But when loneliness becomes chronic, interfering with daily life and hindering happiness, Cacioppo says it can “become a risk factor for illness and early death.”

Broken Connections

Being alone doesn’t always mean being lonely. “Loneliness is the emotional pain you feel when your need for connection isn’t being met,” Cacioppo says. “What matters is your subjective response to the situation.” It’s normal to feel lonely when your daughter takes off for college, your husband divorces you or your doctor tells you you’ve got cancer. If you live alone and have neither an intimate partner nor a satisfying social network, or if you struggle with money or health problems, you are also more likely to feel lonely. But if you enjoy being by yourself for hours or even weeks on end, that’s not loneliness—that’s solitude.

Humans are built to feel loneliness because we are basically social animals who need to bond and cooperate with others—as couples, families, communities and cultures—in order to thrive. It comes from our prehistoric days, when being alone meant getting eaten by that saber-toothed tiger.

“Our research today with brain scans and physiological markers suggests that loneliness is a biological construct, much like hunger, thirst or physical pain,” says Cacioppo. “It has evolved as a signal to change behavior, to prompt one to build or renew connections, and to promote social trust, cohesiveness and collective action, in order to ensure survival.”

In loneliness, perception is everything. “Some people are more sensitive to the pain of perceived isolation,” says Louise Hawkley, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Chicago. People can feel lonely even when they’ve got friends and family around. “There is some indication of a heritable component to loneliness,” notes Hawkley. “An insecure maternal-attachment bond as an infant or a negative event in childhood can trigger loneliness in genetically susceptible individuals.”

Because we’re wired to experience loss of social connection as a threat to our well-being, feeling lonely can also leave us feeling scared. “This may translate as a hypervigilance about others and their perceptions of you,” says Hawkley. “Without necessarily being aware of it, you m...

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